Change

I quit my job today. Kind of. I am going from full-time to part-time, from a manager to whatever they decide to call me, from a bigger paycheck to a smaller paycheck. I am being...uh uhm...downwardly mobile.

The fear of this decision is setting in. I feel both freedom and independence in being able to financially support my family. It is not easy to let go of it. It requires trust, enormous trust, in my life partner and the universe.

But then look at my girls. Just look at them.

Surely they are tired of being shrugged off while Momma is distracted with work...tired of hearing, "No, Momma is busy right now"...tired of waking to cuddle with me in the wee hours of the morning, only to find me downstairs typing in the darkness, my silhouette pressed against the glow of a computer screen.

And me...I am tired too. Tired of doing many things, but doing nothing well. I am ready to be a better momma, better wife, better friend, better human being. Getting rid of a job doesn't make all that happen, but it's an important step in the process. At least for me it is.

So ta-ta "big" job. Life is calling.

It's a new year, baby

Last night, while saying goodbye to 2008, I drank my favorite La Crema chardonnay and James teased me to sip his “best ever” eggnog. And it was divine nog, indeed. We ate a delicious meal, lovingly prepared with our own hands. Then I listened to the affectionate conversations of bedtime between Daddy and daughters linger down the stairwell.

When the midnight fireworks woke up the baby and I was rocking her back to sleep in the quiet darkness, I couldn’t help but smile. 2008 was marked by the ache of healing. But we made it, and here we are…surrounded by so much to be grateful for and so much to look forward to. So much.

When I crawled back into bed a quarter past midnight, James whispered, “It’s a new year, baby.” It sure is.